Intuition On My Creative Journey


About three years ago as I was approaching 40 years old my intuition slapped me across the face and shook me...  I had been working in the corporate world, working so hard to please and get everything done and get it right, to be a team player... play the game... always striving for praise, perfection and the hope for more money or a promotion... then I would truly be happy.  I had always had good reviews, the 401k, the profit sharing, bonuses and the people I worked with were really nice...  I had never had that in a job before and I thought I should be grateful for everything that I had achieved but I was not happy...  The truth was that I was playing a game, maybe "the" game.  I was doing what I was "supposed" to be doing in my life.  Any creative thought that I had had was immediately dismissed (by me) and shoved down deep as a passing interest that would just distract me from my 24/7 job.  And then it happened... 

A few months before my 40th birthday I went to see a Life Coach and I liked it!  It felt good to focus on myself for a change... I went to her because I was tired, unhappy and I had begun to have whispers of a life that had not been fully lived... Ultimately, I didn't know how to pursue my passions and I was feeling stuck.  Through my coaching, I started to say out loud, "If its possible for me to give SO much time and energy to a job that I have absolutely no passion for, then what would it be like if I threw that kind of energy into something that I whole heartedly believed in?"  OMG! but... OMG!  How was I supposed to do that and what did I really want from my life?

I knew that I wanted to be an Artist.  That part was clear to me and I had already, off and on over the years, been painting kind of in mini spurts as I had time on week-ends and had time off but I had no idea what the hell I was going to do with myself.  I felt lost and scared again but still excited at the idea of pursuing this bubbling volcano inside of me.

So... I quit my job...  OMG!  I quit my job!!!  I was elated and absolutely terrified all at once!  What had I done?  I took a year for myself...  It was the first time in my life I had ever done something for myself that big...  Like Andrea, I became a Creative Life Coach and it was the best gift I could have given myself...  I coached, I painted, I traveled, I panicked and I panicked again, my parents thought this time she's really gone off the deep end!  (I thought they were probably right too!)  I painted some more and started selling my work here and there and this scared me even more!  It seemed like the more I got closer to what I wanted the more I almost shut down in distrust of my dreams...  I was fighting myself the whole way and I did not understand that negative "show stopper" in my head...  I have learned (still learning) to walk with this part of myself on my journey towards my creative career.  I've learned that it is there to protect me but doesn't always know what's best for my creative career.  So I try to acknowledge its presence but take a step with it.  Sometimes its really hard to keep moving towards this dream when I don't see results for a while or life gets in the way of it...  My focus right now is to "savor" appreciate what I have right now... keep following my intuition, its my advocate, my biggest supporter and my new compass.

Comments

  1. So cool! What a great story - I love to read things like this - thank you for sharing!

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  2. I linked here from Mondo Beyondo. Seems like so many of us got stuck in a rut while our creative side patiently waited.

    P.S. I am anxiously awaiting the "Flying Lessons" class as well.

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  3. Sooo inspiring. Thanks for sharing your braveness. That is seriously impressive to feel the fear and do it anyway.

    Jane ( also doing Mondo Beyondo)

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  4. I can relate so well to the part of moving along the path with that part of yourself that issues warnings etc. This week I had a lot of resistance to process and I made the discovery that a big chunk of that resistance is a protection mechanism that automatically comes into play whenever I begin to take risks. I can't cut away that part of me, it wouldn't be healthy to cut it away. It simply needs to balance out with the part of me that is excited and ready to leap.

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