so... gulp, here it goes... last month two very big and important things happened to me. one, my job ended suddenly and two, the day after my job ended, my lower back completely went out and i was bed ridden for almost three weeks.
so, "one" last month my job ended (i can hear the gasping! i also gasped because i was not expecting this, at all!) so now i'm unemployed. (believe it or not, that isn't the really scary part.) you see, i have known for some time now what my passion is and yet i have not fully committed myself to it or i guess, to myself. i am an artist and my passion is creating art. i paint, draw, work with clay, sew, write, take photos and teach. so i feel embarrassed sharing all of this with you because i know what to do (for the most part) i've read the books, created the website, the blog, have taken the marketing workshops and have taken little, tiny baby steps but I have not done the BIG work, taken the BIG leap in order to make my business take off and soar because not so deep down, (deep breath in) i'm afraid! i would almost venture to say i'm terrified, at times, to put myself out there and to see if my dream will fly! i think my fear is primarily based in half being afraid of failing and half in succeeding (apparently, there is a very fine line between the two)!
so recently, i've had an opportunity to do some unexpected reflecting on my life, which brings me to important thing that happened to me, number "two", my lower back went out the day after i was let go and i found myself bed ridden for almost three weeks! (another gasp!) during that time, in bed, heating pad, drugs and recouping, what i learned (in and around the tantrums i threw from having to just lay there and heal myself, it was not pretty people!!!) is that i've been making fear based decisions in the jobs i've chosen to support myself. i've been in a vicious cycle of taking what i call "job-jobs" (jobs that have nothing to do with my art career but have paid my bills, rent and food.) i took these jobs thinking that i would somehow figure out how to make my creative career work and each time it failed. instead of having my evening and weekends to develop my creative business like i thought i would, i would spend most of my valuable free time recovering from my week and would neglect my art.
so here i am today sitting in "unemployment" gratitude with a new opportunity before me to make my creative dream come true. i spring out of bed in the mornings because my back is fully healed now (yay!) and i walk into each day holding fear's hand beside me and i take a step anyway. i create, i paint, fill my etsy shop, tell my story and i guess we'll see what happens.
never give up! never surrender!!